Ahhhh...Christmas! Part 1 - Decorating the Tree

Ahhh, the holiday season. Can you feel it? I walked into the Hudson’s Bay (Canadian department store) on November 1st to be greeted by soccer ball sized Christmas ordainments hung from garishly pre-lit artificial Christmas trees. A lame jazz version of ‘Deck the Halls’ was pumping out of the sound system. I could see the Christmas cheer and good will was already spreading like wild fire as I took nearly a whole minute to get my baby stroller through the heavy double doors, all the while being stared at by a 20-something year old guy on the other side of them. Maybe the iPod earphones not only impaired his hearing but also his vision and sense of chivalry.

“Excuse me…” I said sweetly to the Chinese couple that blocked the walkway into the store. They slowly turned and looked at me and then continued on with a conversation I couldn’t understand. “Excuse ME!” I said again. The woman moved barely a foot out of my way and I didn’t feel bad when my stroller wheel clipped her ankle. “Woops! Sorry!” I beetled my way through the men’s department and taking in as much air as my lungs could hold I held my breath all the way through the women’s cosmetics and perfume section. My eyes teared, as I said “No thank you!” in a high-pitched hold-your-breath kind of way to the three women that tried to spray me with this year’s latest scent. I wasn’t even here to do my Christmas shopping and already I felt the heaviness that often comes with Christmas for so many of us.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas - mostly just the decorating my own house part of it, but all in all I do enjoy it. However, with most things that we love there are also the things we dread. Here’s the beginning of a short list of some of those things…

#1. Decorating the tree:

OK, so hubby has pulled out the Christmas decoration boxes from storage, and on a nice cozy night I decide it’s time to put up the tree. Last year we bought an amazingly garish lime green artificial one, but in years past it’s always been a real tree. My husband and I have very ‘different’ ways of carrying out tasks and bringing the tree into the house and setting it up is just one of many. By the time Zol has the tree in the door the entire living room is completely covered in pine needles and the tree sap on the front door frame will never come off. In my hopes to keep the evening light and fun I say nothing, knowing that for the next week I’ll be sticking my foot with all of the missed needles that the 30-minute vacuuming session missed. Balancing the tree into the tree-holder is another task we disagree on as is using a saw inside the house to make the tree shorter (add sawdust to the 30 minute vacuuming). With the tree in place and ready to tip over at any minute, I begin to unpack the decorations. What goes on the tree first? You guessed it – the lights. Now I don’t know what the heck happens to my decoration box over the course of a year, but it never fails that my carefully wrapped up tree lights decide not to work when they are pulled out for the next Christmas season! The evening is now OVER as I can’t do anything until I have a set that actually works. Last year they actually did work, but they were permanently on the epilepsy inducing flash setting and hence completely useless.

The next day I buy a new light set and AGAIN that evening make an attempt at decorating the tree. There’s always a favorite decoration that’s been crushed into a million pieces of crazy sharp shards of glass. Several pieces of this lost treasure are later pulled from my foot in the next three days. I also somehow manage to lose the metal hooks that hang the decorations, and at least a half hour is lost to scouring the house for paperclips. With the tree up I sit back on the couch and admire my work. Now I don’t claim to be a master at tree decorating but I did learn from the best – my mother. A florist by trade, as far back as I can remember she could bang out an amazing tree every year. She taught me the proper steps to creating a beautiful exhibit, with the decorations perfectly hung and evenly dispersed - and for this, I am thankful. On a different note, I am often saddened by my husband’s response when I say “ Sweety! Come here! Soooooo…?! What do you think!??!” My arms splayed wide open, with a look on my face that only four year old has after creating an artistic masterpiece. He says, “Yah, looks good.” Oh well… can’t please them all.

The month of December carries on, and with a few missed waterings there is a halo of pine needles on the ground around the tree every other day. By December 25th the tree is a bona fide fire hazard and its lights are turned off if we need to leave the room for any extended period of time.

January 1st passes as does January 15th and finally I get enough energy to bring down the tree. I carefully wrap up the new Christmas lights knowing they’ll be useless next year and I’m pissed that I’m spending all of this time wrapping them up so delicately. With every decoration and string of lights that is pulled off the tree, 5000 needles fall to the floor. Finally naked, the tree is lugged out the door and for the next few months my socks find the needles that have AGAIN been missed in a thorough vacuuming.

But regardless I still love Christmas… it’s the same thrill and drill every year and I fall for it, going through the same motions, loving and hating them equally. But there are still a few things that get my goat during this Christmas season… so stay tuned!
Ps. do you have anything you love/hate about this season? Do tell! Leave a comment, as I love reading them! *dalyn
Pss. the pic of me in front of the tree is me all dressed up 50's style for a new years party that NOBODY else dressed up for. those are NOT my real breasts for the record, although now that i'm breastfeeding it's a pretty close resemblance of my body.