Family Vacation - We Did It? - HANA

A thin sweat broke out under my nose and chin. I clenched the map in my hands, desperately trying to figure out where we were on the road. Graye was now wailing like a banshee in the back seat, and no amount of telling her we were 'almost there' would shut her up. The car now chugged coming out of every corner and my eyes desperately scanned the ever eluding landscape for the sign of a small town - or maybe a GAS STATION THAT HAD SOME FOOD.

At this point I'd like to explain hypoglycemia to all of you that have no idea what it is. First off, i have it - a pretty bad case of it actually. If I haven't eaten my blood sugar drops and all that I can think of is food and how I'm going to get it. All else - people, family, friends are useless to me if they don't have food for me to eat. I become this ugly, mean person that I hate. But I seriously, SERIOUSLY can't help it. Zol had no idea what he was getting into when he married me until it was too late. It takes a big person to marry a hypoglycemic.

Finally the we pulled over a hill into what looked like the outskirts of a town. There was the odd street sign for roads that bloomed into small neighbourhoods to our left and right. The road map became confusing at this point, as were the instructions I 'd been given by the man on the roadside to find the only gas station in town. It was on the 'Highway' of which there were two in Hana. The 330 and 360 split in the middle of town.

So you can imagine what happens next. We took the wrong turn. The conversation went something like this - with a constant high pitched scream coming from the back seat...

"SO DO I TURN? day DAY! do I TURN???" "uuuuhhh YES yes turn" We turn. "FUCK." "Fuck what? fuck we shouldn't have turned?" "Just WAIT for god's sake! Let me find a road sign... shit. OK pull over and turn around... ZOL! PULL OVER AND TURN-" "I AM DAM IT! Just give me freakin' MINUTE!" "What are you doing? I said TURN AROUND!!" The car lurched forward out of our messy 3 point turn. "So NOW what? Where am I going?" "Back up to the highway." "We're ON the highway!!" "The other FUCKING highway dammit! The one we were on before we turned down this OTHER FUCKING HIGHWAY!"

5 minutes later we pulled into the gas station. And you'd think that I would have been relieved, happy, excited, and maybe I would have - had I not been absolutely RAVENOUS with an equally hungry one year old child screaming to high hell in our backseat. I poked around in the gas station and found nothing to eat aside from gum and breath mints. "OK I need to EAT something or I AM GOING TO DIE." After filling up the car, we angrily ambled our way back to the heart of the town and into the beautiful Hana Bay. Trying to keep my composure I ordered us some sandwiches and drinks and we found a shady picnic bench to eat at after what felt like a 3 hour wait for our food.


We rinsed our sticky fingers at a public tap and then looked at each other with a blank stare. It was 4pm and we knew we had to get back on the road. "So. Should we do it?" "I guess we have no choice..." Regardless of the fact that we'd let her run around for half an hour, Graye gave us a run for our money as soon as we picked her up and started heading back to the car. Legs all OVER the place - twisting and screaming and screaming and screaming. As I attempted to place her in her car seat her entire body went rigor mortis on me. Using my elbow I crammed her into the seat and strapped her in. The sounds from her mouth were deafening as we politely smiled at the Japanese tour group that was staring at us 10 feet away.

Zol turned the key in the ignition. COUGH CHUG SPUTTER. aahhhweeWEweWEEE... cough. aahhhweeWEweWEEE.... aahhhweeWEweWEEE... aahhhweeWEweWEEE....

to be continued...

Family Vacation - We Did It - HANA

Nearly 30 years had passed since I had felt this wonderful breeze and smelt the air that most suntan lotions try to imitate in their scent. The Kahului airport had an open air concept, so upon exiting your aircraft you are greeted by the tropical elements. Our car rental people picked us up and within the hour we were turning the key in our condo door. The walk down the corridor to our oceanfront unit brought a flood of foggy childhood memories - all wonderful thoughts. I don't think Zol really knew what we were coming to and as subtle as it was, I could see on his face that he was impressed with my/our choice of heading to Maui. We stripped Graye down to her skivvies and each cracked a Pacifico, kicking back on the lounge chairs out front. The ocean was 20 feet away and we basked in the sound of crashing waves. The bubbly foam came just a few feet away as the waves swelled in and out.

A few days passed. Pure relaxation. Beer at 10am (time change people!!!) walk on the beach, simple lunch, maybe a trip to the store, BBQ dinner, cocktails... We finally got out the map of the island. No sorry let me rephrase that - we drove ALL OVER THE PLACE trying to find an actual MAP of the island that had road names on it, not just 'points of interest'. We could time Graye's nap for her to fall asleep in the car while we drove somewhere and hopefully she would be OK on the drive home after running around for a while at our destination. Sooooo... where-should-we-go...? Hana?

Hana looked amazing on all of the tourist pamphlets we'd picked up in our endless search for a real map. Jungles, black lava rock, thatched huts - hellz! one of the parks was called 'The Garden of Eden'. We HAD to go! The road on the map looked a little crazy though. Maybe a one hour drive? So we jumped in the car with map in hand and headed on our way. Graye fell asleep within 20 minutes of being on the road.

Some couples suck at giving directions to each other. Some are horrible backseat drivers. Some couples are both. That would be Zol and I in a CITY setting. Put us in a rural area and we are perfectly civil and nice. We actually get to said destination with smiles on our faces. Sorry, we actually get to said destination with smiles on our faces unless one particular thing isn't taken care of beforehand. I'll let you know what that 'thing' is in a minute.

20 minutes into our ride the small towns and villages petered away as we headed up the breathtaking North coast of Maui. The road began to curve and twist and twist and turn like no other road I had ever been on. The video doesn't do it justice...







We were following a small tourist bus that drove ridiculously slow and even slower when it came the crest of every hill or up alongside a waterfall. I nonchalantly turned my eyes to the left and looked at the gas gauge. It was below 1/4 of a tank full. "Ummm... how are we for gas sweety??" "Fine. We'll get some in Hana." Being in charge of the map I waited 'til the next point of interest came along and checked how far away we were from Hana. Not even a quarter of the way there. "Zol, we're not going to get there for a LONG time. Maybe there's a gas station coming up. If there is we HAVE to get gas!" "Yup umhmm." I felt a panic fall all over me. I have a serious mental problem when it comes to the possibility of running out of gas. Maybe it's due to the fact that I drove a van that had a broken gas gauge for 2 years. I have run out of gas no less then 15 times and every one of them has been unforgettable. Before we had left the question was asked... "Do we need gas?" "Nope we're good".

Another hour of driving the curvy roads passed. I took videos and pictures and tried to have a nice time while Graye still slept in her car seat behind me but my mind was overrun with horrible running out of gas scenarios. We were now pulled to a stop in a long long lineup of cars... all winding down into a deep ravine with a beautiful waterfall at the base of it. And dump trucks. And tractors. And pylons. And people standing outside of their cars because they had been their for so long. ROAD WORK. Fuck me. Zol turned off the car and we sat quietly. After 2 minutes Graye awoke, sweaty and with a wtf? cry. As soon as I cracked the door open I regretted it. A wave of soggy heat flooded the car and we might as well have been in an Native American sweat tent. - 2 hours in and dying to get out. We all got out of the stuffy car and Zol held Graye up to look down the ravine at all of the road work. First chance I got I found somebody to ask about getting gas. Turns out he needed gas as well but the only station was in Hana which was still an hour away. We wilted in the sun as turning the car on for AC meant burning our precious gasoline. 20 minutes later the line of cars began to move. My stomach was not only in a knot from the thoughts of our gas running out, but was now also STARVING. Temped to eat Graye's snack food I refrained and instead channeled my hungry anger into how I felt about possibly being stranded on the side of the road. "You know? You know what? NEXT TIME? Cause there WILL be a next time. I don't CARE if you THINK whatever the hell is in the tank is going to get us to a place that we've never even BEEN TO before - WE ARE GETTING GAS FIRST BECAUSE I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!"

The scenery changed and houses started to show up on the sides of the road... Hana was close, sort of. The car made a chugging sound and lurched a little as we pulled out of a corner. I wasn't sure if this was due to the fact that it was a well used 2003 Nissan Sentra or the fact that we were running out gas. The gauge had sunk well below the red line and that meant EMPTY.

My stomach tight and my fingers clenched as the car chugged forward. Where the HELL was HANA!??

to be continued...