Just had one of the most scariest experiences of my life tonight...

Ok, so it's not often I get yelled at. Maybe by my daughter when it's time to go to bed or her food isn't being made fast enough - but this is something i can handle. So you can imagine my fear of having a 200 pound half dressed man screaming at me in a darkend alley in a bad part of town at 11pm. here's what went down...


a lovely evening with the girls - it was Wednesday night, girls night and we celebrated a friend moving out of the place we'd spent many an evening being loud obnoxious women. at 10:30pm i said my goodbyes and hopped in the van and headed home. i live in South Vancouver or "little India". it's a mix of Chinese and South East Asian with a light sprinkling of white folk and a dash of gangster. i pulled off of the main road and onto my street. my house was two blocks up and the road was narrow with cars parked on either side. if two cars are headed towards each other, one must yield to the other.


a pair of headlights were coming fast at me so i pulled over to the right and waited for the car to pass. the car came ridiculously close to my van - but mine being a Japanese import, the drivers side was on the right and i couldn't see just how close the car came. needless to say i was startled and kind of gunned it, just wanting to get home asap. i looked in my rear view mirror and saw the car pull a very quick U-turn. within 5 seconds the headlights were nearly on my bumper! then i freaked out... this person was following me, chasing me! i didn't want him to know where i lived so i took a left and took a right and floored it as fast as i could. he was RIGHT on my ass the entire way. i pulled into an alley and at the point where the alley meets the next road i slammed on my brakes, turned off the van jumped out and ran to the back of van! YES - STUPID. he was already out of his car.

"What the FUCK are you doing!!?" i screamed..

"Why you run BITCH?! WHY YOU RUN!!?? WHY YOU FUCKING RUN BITCH!? YOU FUCKING BITCH! you hit me and then RUN BITCH!?"

now let me take a moment to describe what i was looking at...
beside his low-profile black two door sedan, behold! there stood a 200+ pound man. he was Chinese - his slanted eyes had the extra closed look that an evening of beer and weed delivers. his cheeks looked like two big chubby apples that were trying to suffocate his nose and his lips looked too wet, like he'd forgotten to swallow his spit a few times and with no place else to go it now oozed out of his mouth. on his feet were the classic blue plastic sandal that i knew all too well from living in Taiwan. the waistband of his synthetic track pants was hidden by a massive budah belly - fully exposed and hairless. his dragon embellished shirt was completely open and barely holding onto his slopping shoulders. around his neck hung three different coloured jade necklaces with their lucky pendants finding a home between his breasts - and not the "I've been breastfeeding for 17 months" type of breasts, but the "12 year old girl type of breasts..." kind of pert and sticky outty.

and then it all came to me. WHY THE HELL DID I JUST GET OUT OF MY VAN!? he pushed right up to me, slobbering in my face, screaming the bitch thing over and over again. he said that i had i had hit his car when CLEARLY he had hit mine. he showed me his side view mirror. there was a tiny scuff on the edge of it.

"OK - WAIT. calm the FUCK down. how much would it be to replace this or fix it?"
"ONE! MAYBE TWO GRAND!"
"are you fucking KIDDING ME?" truth was there was grey paint on his car, truth was he did hit me or we hit each other. it happened so fast i didn't know. he started screaming he was going to call the police.
"DO IT. call THEM. come on... get out your phone! call them!"
"no you fucking call them! you fucking call the police!"
"you know what? i KNOW you've been drinking and you DON'T want to call the police."
"fuck YOU i habent been drinkin'!"
"then CALL THE POLICE!"
"GIVE ME YOUR DRIVER LICENSE!!"
i saw this as my chance to get back into my car and lock the doors... so i did. i ran. got in and slammed the door - locked it. within 3 seconds he was right there at my window screaming at me to open up the door!

to be continued!
PART TWO HERE